I have been thinking about this for a while. I wonder how much trying to please people really gets in the way of creating the practice we really want. What do you think?

Do you fall into this trap? Perhaps you take on clients because they came from a trusted referral - even though they may not be the best choice of client - because you don’t want to offend the referral source? Just maybe you sometimes work hours you’d rather not and then resent it just a bit? Do you ever reduce your fee when you’d rather not?

I think this weekend I fell into that trap. I presented at a statewide conference of therapists. I had so much fun! We talked about possibilities and the importance of creating your private practice vision. We talked about how the internet will be the number one way you will attract clients in the next decade. We talked about money, intake call scripts, and website text. We had a wonderful mix of students and some clinicians licensed over 20 years.

I so wanted everyone to have a good time and get what they needed. It was very important to me.

Well, you know how sometimes things don’t always go as planned? First, the projector wires went in and out so the Power Point was intermittently lost. I fixed it once and then we had the AV guy fix it but then it went out again. I decided to “let go” of the Power Point and speak from my heart. (Which wasn’t in exactly the same order as the Power Point handouts.)

I was a little rattled by the projector problems. But what was important to me was that people got what they needed from the day. There were so many questions that I skipped lunch to answer questions. Then when we had “biological” breaks in the afternoon, I didn’t leave. I stayed in the room and answered questions. I so wanted the presentation to have meaning - I wanted to make a difference. To that end, I wanted to be as available as I could to the participants.

When 5:15 came and the people left (and before I finally hit the ladies room,) I took a glance at the feedback forms. Almost all were very good. Many had comments about how refreshing my ideas are - when all they were hearing from other therapists was about how they couldn’t make a living in this field. It felt good to read those comments.

But of course there were a couple who weren’t happy with me. One said I said “nothing” for five hours…that I didn’t answer questions fully. It went on for a full page and spoke of how bad everything was - all the things I did wrong.

I would love to say it didn’t bother me. It did. But it was also, what I call, a “gift in dirty paper.” And for that gift, I am very grateful.

It reminded me that I can only be my best when I come from a centered place. I didn’t take good care of myself that day. I tried so hard to make sure people were pleased, that I ended up not caring for myself. I won’t make the mistake again. (And of course if I do, please remind me!!)

So, as I said, I send a big “thank you” to the person who sent in that comment. It will be one that reminds me take better care of myself in the future. And as I do so, I hope to be of more meaningful service to you.

Do you find yourself trying hard to please, knowing that it is impossible to please everyone but trying anyway? Or are you better at taking care of yourself? Please share your thoughts below under comments.

Love and blessings,

Casey